A blog I wrote on December 31st, 2010. I was a little more than a year out of my loss. I hope it helps someone in a similar place tonight.
Starting a New Chapter – My New Year’s Resolution
I feel a new kind of strength the past few days. For the past 2 months I have been exhausted. This is normal for a person who sleeps as little as I do and does as much physically as I do, but my exhaustion has been more mental then anything as of late. Lets just say I’m exhausted from grieving. To walk around each day grieving a person you love as much as I love Mitch is physically and emotionally exhausting. I don’t know if this is the politically correct thing to say but I am literally sick and tired of grieving. I don’t think we get a choice as to when we are turning a corner in regards to our grief but I feel like I finally am. I feel like I am ready to move forward, I am ready to be happy, I am ready to start my next life chapter.
I said several months ago that my life feels like two sets of pictures, those taken before 10/9/09 and those taken after. Today, as the clock is about to strike midnight and 2010 is about to come to a close, I think I am finally really ready to make the post 10/9/09 pictures count.
I am welcoming 2011 and all the challenges, opportunities, joy, and happiness that it can provide. I won’t back down from anything, I am making each day count. I have survived the worst a person can experience and I (we) have come out the other side much stronger and with a much greater appreciation for life than I would have ever thought possible.
My New Year’s resolution is simple…to just enjoy life in the deepest way possible. I want to laugh again without feeling guilty for being happy, I want to love those in my life without thinking about what could have been. I want to slow down each day and take it all in, I want to live like never before.
Mitch was taken from me 15 months ago and I still can’t change that. I believe someday I will see him again, and I also believe that regardless of what comes next in my life, I will always love him from the depths of my soul. Nothing can diminish what we had, and only by living this life to the fullest am I living the life he wanted for me and his children.
So with 10 minutes left in 2010, I am declaring 2011 the start of my new life chapter. I promise lots of adventure, lots of passion, lots of intrigue. No time to waste…chapter 2 is going to be a great read.